Ephesians 4:31
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger.
1. How have you recently expressed healthy, righteous anger over your loss? Unhealthy anger?
About a month ago my husband and I were both angry over our loss. We got into and argument about something else and it got very emotional. We gave each other space. We each separately just cried out to God, screamed, and just broke down. Our anger didn't have to do with that argument, but it had everything to do with the loss of Hannah.
I hate the feeling of being angry so I try to just push it to the side. I'm not sure where is goes, but I know I can't keep it there and let it build up. The anger will come out eventually there's no question about that. I can't allow it build up and get worse and worse.
2. What do you feel is behind your anger? Disappointment? Envy? Expectations? Guilt? Physical exhaustion? Fear? Rejection?
All of the above. Just at different times since Hannah was given and fatal diagnosis.
3. Tell God how you feel. Write a letter to Him and share your heart.
Dear God,
I'm not angry directly at you, but I am angry this had to happen. I'm angry my little girl died. I'm angry she wasn't healed. I'm angry that she was stillborn. I'm angry that since she never took a breath the federal government doesn't recognize her.
I am also thankful for your love and guidance. I'm thankful you allowed Hannah's life to touch so many people. I'm thankful that she will receive a birth certificate and be recognized by the state. I'm thankful for the connections and new friends I have made through the loss of Hannah. I am thankful that I can share my story and be a voice for those who cannot speak yet. I'm thankful that Hannah's life with help countless people through this blog/website and nonprofit.
I know you will not let Hannah be forgotten. I know that you are showing her a love greater than I can even imagine on this earth. I know she is safe in your arms. I know you will use her death to touch and help others who are on this journey of loss or who will be on it in the future.
We want You to be glorified through our personal journey of loss. We want people to know that You didn't cause their baby to pass away, that there is just sin and evil in this world. We want people to know the love You have for them.
Thank You for always being there and accepting me even at my darkest times. I love You God.
Love Always,
Heather
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Monday, March 17, 2014
Drowning in the Sea of Why - Day 11
Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
1. What questions remain unanswered about your loss?
Why did this happen to us?
Why do people who don't want a baby get pregnant, have a healthy baby, and the just give him/her away?
**I don't wish death on any baby. I think adoption is a wonderful and brave option. This is just my journey and a specific situation that affects my journey.
2. Are there resources, people, or professionals who may have answers? What steps could you take to seek solutions.
No. Only God can give the answers, but I am learning to stop focusing on the "whys" and focus on the "who," God.
3. Like Job, we may never have our questions answered. How does that make you feel? It's interesting to note in the book of Job that, in response to sixteen "whys," there are fifty-nine "whos," which refer to God.
Before it made me feel angry, but I realize God is there and He always will be. Even if I knew the "whys" it won't change what happened.
The next time your ask "why" about your loss, consider changing the "y" in that word to "o."
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
1. What questions remain unanswered about your loss?
Why did this happen to us?
Why do people who don't want a baby get pregnant, have a healthy baby, and the just give him/her away?
**I don't wish death on any baby. I think adoption is a wonderful and brave option. This is just my journey and a specific situation that affects my journey.
2. Are there resources, people, or professionals who may have answers? What steps could you take to seek solutions.
No. Only God can give the answers, but I am learning to stop focusing on the "whys" and focus on the "who," God.
3. Like Job, we may never have our questions answered. How does that make you feel? It's interesting to note in the book of Job that, in response to sixteen "whys," there are fifty-nine "whos," which refer to God.
Before it made me feel angry, but I realize God is there and He always will be. Even if I knew the "whys" it won't change what happened.
The next time your ask "why" about your loss, consider changing the "y" in that word to "o."
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Questioning
Questioning: to cross-examine, doubt, dispute, examine, analyze, inquire
Is there is anything a sufferer needs, it is not an explanation, but a fresh, new look at God.
Is there is anything a sufferer needs, it is not an explanation, but a fresh, new look at God.
Don Bake, Pain's Hidden Purpose
Clearly unless the Lord chooses to explain Himself to us, which often He does not, His motivation and purposes are beyond the reach of mortal man.... Many of our questions - especially those that begin with the word why - will have to remain unanswered for the time being.
Dr. James Dobson, When God Doesn't Make Sense
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.
Ecclesiastes 11:5
Husbands and Wives Grieve Differently - Day 10
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
1. God created you and your spouse different and unique. How does each of you express grief differently?
I read a lot about baby loss online or in books. I joined several private online baby loss support groups. I listen to songs that remind me of Hannah every single day. I want to talk about Hannah and most of the aspects surrounding her a lot.
Jason reads a little bit about baby loss online. Jason will talk about Hannah and most of the aspects surrounding her. Jason internalizes more. He can only take in so much before he is "full" and needs a timeout.
We both cry over Hannah. We both are sad over Hannah. We both love when people acknowledge Hannah. We both connected with Hannah. We both love and miss Hannah so much.
2. How has your loss created distance between you and your spouse? Drawn you closer?
Right after Hannah's death we just had to recognize that we were grieving differently and that was ok. There really wasn't any distance at all created between us. We have drawn closer together since we were given the fatal diagnosis and since Hannah died. We both lost our little girl. We both love her so much. Times that I am weak, Jason is strong. Times that Jason is weak, I am strong. We have kept God at the center.
3. Complete the following sentence: "I feel loved and encouraged when ..." Write down all the ways you feel loved and encouraged and ask your spouse to do the same. Now exchange lists and encourage one another during the next week.
Heather:
you hold me tight and just let me cry.
you let me listen to the same songs over and over.
you listen when I talk about Hannah.
you bring Hannah up to me.
you take my hand and tell me it's ok.
Jason:
you are close to me and nothing needs to be said.
you hug me and hold my hand.
4. Grief over the loss of your child will affect your relationship. Some marriages may become weakened from the stress, while others are strengthened by pulling together through adversity. Guard your marriage and seek help from your pastor, another couple who has survived the loss of a child, or a grief counselor.
We talk to a Christian counselor once a week. We have talked to our prayer pastor multiple times. We also talked to a pastor whose baby was also given a fatal diagnosis (She is 2 years old now! Thank you God!). We are so grateful to have the support, help, and guidance from these individuals. They have truly helped Jason and I stick together as a married couple during this devastating journey. They don't rush our grief at all.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
1. God created you and your spouse different and unique. How does each of you express grief differently?
I read a lot about baby loss online or in books. I joined several private online baby loss support groups. I listen to songs that remind me of Hannah every single day. I want to talk about Hannah and most of the aspects surrounding her a lot.
Jason reads a little bit about baby loss online. Jason will talk about Hannah and most of the aspects surrounding her. Jason internalizes more. He can only take in so much before he is "full" and needs a timeout.
We both cry over Hannah. We both are sad over Hannah. We both love when people acknowledge Hannah. We both connected with Hannah. We both love and miss Hannah so much.
2. How has your loss created distance between you and your spouse? Drawn you closer?
Right after Hannah's death we just had to recognize that we were grieving differently and that was ok. There really wasn't any distance at all created between us. We have drawn closer together since we were given the fatal diagnosis and since Hannah died. We both lost our little girl. We both love her so much. Times that I am weak, Jason is strong. Times that Jason is weak, I am strong. We have kept God at the center.
3. Complete the following sentence: "I feel loved and encouraged when ..." Write down all the ways you feel loved and encouraged and ask your spouse to do the same. Now exchange lists and encourage one another during the next week.
Heather:
you hold me tight and just let me cry.
you let me listen to the same songs over and over.
you listen when I talk about Hannah.
you bring Hannah up to me.
you take my hand and tell me it's ok.
Jason:
you are close to me and nothing needs to be said.
you hug me and hold my hand.
4. Grief over the loss of your child will affect your relationship. Some marriages may become weakened from the stress, while others are strengthened by pulling together through adversity. Guard your marriage and seek help from your pastor, another couple who has survived the loss of a child, or a grief counselor.
We talk to a Christian counselor once a week. We have talked to our prayer pastor multiple times. We also talked to a pastor whose baby was also given a fatal diagnosis (She is 2 years old now! Thank you God!). We are so grateful to have the support, help, and guidance from these individuals. They have truly helped Jason and I stick together as a married couple during this devastating journey. They don't rush our grief at all.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Happy-Sad Days - Day 9
Malachi 3:6
I the Lord do not change.
1. Take a few moments to reflect on your child. How old would he or she be now? What do you think he or she would be like?
Hannah would be about 2 1/2 months old. I truly believe she would have been a happy baby. That she would have such a beautiful smile. Hannah would have definitely been stubborn like me and her Daddy. But a sweet, sweet baby.
2. Certain dates ay trigger happy-sad emotions about your child. Some people may grieve these dates silently, while others find it helpful to express their grief through planting a tree or giving to a special cause in memory of their child. What is your plan?
I express my grief on certain dates like every month on the 23rd I buy Hannah an outfit and her Daddy buys her flowers, but on the 9th of every month I've grieved silently. I plan on expressing my grief.
3. Write a letter to your child in Heaven. Ask questions. Share your feelings.
Dear Hannah,
I miss you and love you so much. My heart aches to have you and my arms ache to hold you. But I know you are in the arms of God. You only know love and happiness. My sweet Hannah, do you know the impact your precious life has had on others? Do you know your short precious life made and is making a huge impact on this world? You have inspired me in so many ways. I Love you Hannah <3
I the Lord do not change.
1. Take a few moments to reflect on your child. How old would he or she be now? What do you think he or she would be like?
Hannah would be about 2 1/2 months old. I truly believe she would have been a happy baby. That she would have such a beautiful smile. Hannah would have definitely been stubborn like me and her Daddy. But a sweet, sweet baby.
2. Certain dates ay trigger happy-sad emotions about your child. Some people may grieve these dates silently, while others find it helpful to express their grief through planting a tree or giving to a special cause in memory of their child. What is your plan?
I express my grief on certain dates like every month on the 23rd I buy Hannah an outfit and her Daddy buys her flowers, but on the 9th of every month I've grieved silently. I plan on expressing my grief.
3. Write a letter to your child in Heaven. Ask questions. Share your feelings.
Dear Hannah,
I miss you and love you so much. My heart aches to have you and my arms ache to hold you. But I know you are in the arms of God. You only know love and happiness. My sweet Hannah, do you know the impact your precious life has had on others? Do you know your short precious life made and is making a huge impact on this world? You have inspired me in so many ways. I Love you Hannah <3
Love always,
Mommy
Thursday, March 13, 2014
The Empty Frame - Day 8
Psalm 44:20-21
If we had forgotten the name of our God or spread out our hands to a foreign god, would not God have discovered it, since He knows the secrets of the heart?
1. How have you suffered in secret about your loss?
In the beginning, I just didn't bring it up to many people. I would just grin and bare it. For the most part I still don't bring it up to people. I've have been blessed with some people in my life that I can talk to about it. I also decided to start this blog/website. There are still many times I suffer in secret and just keep my feelings to myself.
2. What feelings have you locked away?
I haven't completely locked any feelings away. The feelings that I lock away most are anger and devastation. I hate feeling them.
3. Describe your empty picture frame. How do you feel when you look at it?
Sad. Empty. I miss Hannah so much. I wish that the picture from wasn't empty. I remember God is in control. Romans 8:28 says, And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.
If we had forgotten the name of our God or spread out our hands to a foreign god, would not God have discovered it, since He knows the secrets of the heart?
1. How have you suffered in secret about your loss?
In the beginning, I just didn't bring it up to many people. I would just grin and bare it. For the most part I still don't bring it up to people. I've have been blessed with some people in my life that I can talk to about it. I also decided to start this blog/website. There are still many times I suffer in secret and just keep my feelings to myself.
2. What feelings have you locked away?
I haven't completely locked any feelings away. The feelings that I lock away most are anger and devastation. I hate feeling them.
3. Describe your empty picture frame. How do you feel when you look at it?
Sad. Empty. I miss Hannah so much. I wish that the picture from wasn't empty. I remember God is in control. Romans 8:28 says, And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Suffering
Suffering: to endure hardship or suffer loss
I bear my willing witness that I owe more to the fire, and the hammer, and the file, than to anything else in my Lord's workshop. I sometimes question whether I have ever learned anything except through the rod. When my schoolroom is darkened, I see most.
Children's Footprints
Some children come into our live and go quickly.
Some children come into our lives and stay awhile.
All our children come into our lives and leave footprints -
Some oh so small;
Some a little larger;
Some larger still,
But all have left their footprints on our lives; in our hearts,
And we will never, never be the same.
Doreen Sexton
I bear my willing witness that I owe more to the fire, and the hammer, and the file, than to anything else in my Lord's workshop. I sometimes question whether I have ever learned anything except through the rod. When my schoolroom is darkened, I see most.
Charles H. Spurgeon
We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.
Romans 5:3-5
Nothing to Show for My Loss - Day 6
Job 28:20, 23
Where does understanding dwell?... God understands the way to it and He alone knows where it dwells.
1. Recall the first time after you lost your child when you realized you had "empty arms." What emotions did you encounter?
The day I had to leave the hospital without my Baby Girl Hannah. It was the absolute worst day of my life.
2. Some women who lost children said that "aching arms" was a common occurrence for them and holding something helped ease the pain. What could you hold?
I have a giraffe with Hannah's heartbeat inside. When I squeeze/hug it I can hear her precious heartbeat. I held and slept with it every single day and night.
3. Jesus was innocent, yet willingly suffered and died. How does His example give you hope?
That Jesus truly understands how I feel. He walked the path of ultimate suffering to save us. This world is just temporary. That this is not our home. I will see Hannah someday in Heaven.
Where does understanding dwell?... God understands the way to it and He alone knows where it dwells.
1. Recall the first time after you lost your child when you realized you had "empty arms." What emotions did you encounter?
The day I had to leave the hospital without my Baby Girl Hannah. It was the absolute worst day of my life.
2. Some women who lost children said that "aching arms" was a common occurrence for them and holding something helped ease the pain. What could you hold?
I have a giraffe with Hannah's heartbeat inside. When I squeeze/hug it I can hear her precious heartbeat. I held and slept with it every single day and night.
3. Jesus was innocent, yet willingly suffered and died. How does His example give you hope?
That Jesus truly understands how I feel. He walked the path of ultimate suffering to save us. This world is just temporary. That this is not our home. I will see Hannah someday in Heaven.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Missing in Action - Day 5
Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.
1. Are you too busy? Make a list of your roles and the activities with each role in a typical week. Is time alone with God on your list?
Depends on the day and my mood.
Wife - Take care of and support my husband.
Mother - Learning how to be one everyday with Hannah in Heaven.
Friend - Be there for them and help them in their time of need.
Organizer - Make our home more and more organized.
handyman/Painter - Fix and make our home look like a nice home.
Couponer - Save our family hundreds of dollars on items we need and use.
Decorator - Make our house a home.
Cleaner - Keep up (try to!) with the housework.
Business woman - Making important decisions regarding my current business and starting a nonprofit.
Student - Pursuing my bachelors degree.
Toddler caregiver - Working with toddlers at my church.
Time alone with God is on my list now, but before I was "too busy" and it didn't cross my mind.
2. Do you feel as if you've been avoiding facing your hurt? Why or why not? Why do you think it is so difficult for you to be still?
Absolutely, There are many days I do. It hurts so much. I hate feeling the unbearable raw pain. When I'm still it gives plenty of time for reality to set in that my daughter died and it wasn't just a terrible nightmare.
3. Where is your "foxhole of faith," the physical place you go to "be still" with God? If you don't have a place, where could you go? Read Psalm 46, Matthew 11:28, and Psalm 5.
In my living room or bedroom when no one is home. I hope to make my "foxhole of faith" on my porch when the weather is nice.
4. Schedule at least ten minutes each day to be still with God. Take your list of activities to Him and ask Him to show you the roles you need to release for a time.
5. Are there others who can help you face reality and share your load? Who are they?
Yes, but I don't like to ask for help. My good friend and my husband <3
Be still and know that I am God.
1. Are you too busy? Make a list of your roles and the activities with each role in a typical week. Is time alone with God on your list?
Depends on the day and my mood.
Wife - Take care of and support my husband.
Mother - Learning how to be one everyday with Hannah in Heaven.
Friend - Be there for them and help them in their time of need.
Organizer - Make our home more and more organized.
handyman/Painter - Fix and make our home look like a nice home.
Couponer - Save our family hundreds of dollars on items we need and use.
Decorator - Make our house a home.
Cleaner - Keep up (try to!) with the housework.
Business woman - Making important decisions regarding my current business and starting a nonprofit.
Student - Pursuing my bachelors degree.
Toddler caregiver - Working with toddlers at my church.
Time alone with God is on my list now, but before I was "too busy" and it didn't cross my mind.
2. Do you feel as if you've been avoiding facing your hurt? Why or why not? Why do you think it is so difficult for you to be still?
Absolutely, There are many days I do. It hurts so much. I hate feeling the unbearable raw pain. When I'm still it gives plenty of time for reality to set in that my daughter died and it wasn't just a terrible nightmare.
3. Where is your "foxhole of faith," the physical place you go to "be still" with God? If you don't have a place, where could you go? Read Psalm 46, Matthew 11:28, and Psalm 5.
In my living room or bedroom when no one is home. I hope to make my "foxhole of faith" on my porch when the weather is nice.
4. Schedule at least ten minutes each day to be still with God. Take your list of activities to Him and ask Him to show you the roles you need to release for a time.
5. Are there others who can help you face reality and share your load? Who are they?
Yes, but I don't like to ask for help. My good friend and my husband <3
Saturday, March 8, 2014
From Minimizing to Validating - Day 4
Psalm 139:1, 15
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.... My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
1. How have others minimized your loss? How does that make you feel? Why do you feel others responded that way?
By expecting me to move on and by not seeing Hannah has a true loss because she never took a breath. It hurts, it makes me angry, and I don't know why they can't at least be sensitive. I think they respond in these ways because they haven't been through the loss of a baby and my journey leading up to it.
2. Read Psalm 139 aloud. What verses validate your child's worth?
Psalm 139:13-16 have validated my baby's life from the moment I found out I was pregnant. We used part of it in our announcements, had 13-16 read at Hannah's funeral, and used 13-16 on Hannah's prayer cards.
Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
3. Often people make hurtful comments because they are uniformed. They may not fully understand that loss is loss and you cannot compare how long you were pregnant or had a child to the grief you may feel. What could others say that would validate your loss.
If they don't understand, and most won't, simply ask questions, research stillbirth, use Hannah's name, and be sensitive in what you choose to say and do. I love talking about Hannah and would love to help others understand. If I cry when they ask me or bring her up that is OKAY!
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.... My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
1. How have others minimized your loss? How does that make you feel? Why do you feel others responded that way?
By expecting me to move on and by not seeing Hannah has a true loss because she never took a breath. It hurts, it makes me angry, and I don't know why they can't at least be sensitive. I think they respond in these ways because they haven't been through the loss of a baby and my journey leading up to it.
2. Read Psalm 139 aloud. What verses validate your child's worth?
Psalm 139:13-16 have validated my baby's life from the moment I found out I was pregnant. We used part of it in our announcements, had 13-16 read at Hannah's funeral, and used 13-16 on Hannah's prayer cards.
Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
3. Often people make hurtful comments because they are uniformed. They may not fully understand that loss is loss and you cannot compare how long you were pregnant or had a child to the grief you may feel. What could others say that would validate your loss.
If they don't understand, and most won't, simply ask questions, research stillbirth, use Hannah's name, and be sensitive in what you choose to say and do. I love talking about Hannah and would love to help others understand. If I cry when they ask me or bring her up that is OKAY!
Friday, March 7, 2014
Facing the Truth - Day 3
I Peter 4:12
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.
Psalm 43:3
Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell.
Read I Kings 3:16-28
1. Describe how each woman in the story responded to loss.
First woman - Heartbroken, panicked, willing to sacrifice for her own baby boy's life.
Second woman - Desperate, heartbroken, trying to fill the void in her heart from her baby boy's death.
2. What would you say to each woman in the story?
I would tell the second woman whose baby died that I was so sorry, that I understand the pain she feels. I would tell her that taking a living baby from another woman will not heal her broken heart because nothing can replace her own baby boy. I would tell her that I would pray for her and encourage her to pray to God also.
I would tell the first woman not to condone the second woman's behavior, but try to be sensitive to the grief and desperation she is feeling and going through with the death of her baby boy. I would tell her that she did the right thing to go before King Solomon and fight for her baby boy. That her mother's love was truly shown when she would rather her baby boy stay with the second woman than be killed. I would also tell her to pray for the second woman whose baby boy had died.
3. How have you responded to others who have what you lost?
With strangers, I would get annoyed watching them pay attention and interact a lot with their baby.
With everyone, there is some jealousy, a lot of comparison, extremely painful heartache, asking why I can't have my baby girl and they get their baby. I'm still happy for them. I'm happy they didn't go through this and pray they never will. However, I also try remind myself that I don't know their story and they could have experienced something similar to me.
4. What would you like others to do or say to you?
They admit that they can't imagine what I must be going through, but are sorry. That they are sensitive even though they don't understand. That they ask how I'm holding up and really care to listen and know. That they don't try to rush my grief and give me all the time I need. That they would respect my grieving, mourning, and healing process.
-Don't hide your pain. Be truthful with yourself, God, and others this week.
-Seek the listening ear of a person who is compassionate and trustworthy or has experienced loss similar to yours.
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.
Psalm 43:3
Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell.
Read I Kings 3:16-28
1. Describe how each woman in the story responded to loss.
First woman - Heartbroken, panicked, willing to sacrifice for her own baby boy's life.
Second woman - Desperate, heartbroken, trying to fill the void in her heart from her baby boy's death.
2. What would you say to each woman in the story?
I would tell the second woman whose baby died that I was so sorry, that I understand the pain she feels. I would tell her that taking a living baby from another woman will not heal her broken heart because nothing can replace her own baby boy. I would tell her that I would pray for her and encourage her to pray to God also.
I would tell the first woman not to condone the second woman's behavior, but try to be sensitive to the grief and desperation she is feeling and going through with the death of her baby boy. I would tell her that she did the right thing to go before King Solomon and fight for her baby boy. That her mother's love was truly shown when she would rather her baby boy stay with the second woman than be killed. I would also tell her to pray for the second woman whose baby boy had died.
3. How have you responded to others who have what you lost?
With strangers, I would get annoyed watching them pay attention and interact a lot with their baby.
With everyone, there is some jealousy, a lot of comparison, extremely painful heartache, asking why I can't have my baby girl and they get their baby. I'm still happy for them. I'm happy they didn't go through this and pray they never will. However, I also try remind myself that I don't know their story and they could have experienced something similar to me.
4. What would you like others to do or say to you?
They admit that they can't imagine what I must be going through, but are sorry. That they are sensitive even though they don't understand. That they ask how I'm holding up and really care to listen and know. That they don't try to rush my grief and give me all the time I need. That they would respect my grieving, mourning, and healing process.
-Don't hide your pain. Be truthful with yourself, God, and others this week.
-Seek the listening ear of a person who is compassionate and trustworthy or has experienced loss similar to yours.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Journey to the Hiding Place - Day 2
Psalm 32:7
You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
1. How do you hide from the storm of your loss?
I focus on helping others with their loss. I focus on reading about their losses, praying for them, creating a place for them, and trying to be a voice and advocate for them.
2. Identify the emotional debris, uprooted expectations, or damaged relationships from your loss in need of being repaired.
Write this in a prayer request to God.
Dear God,
My arms ache to hold Hannah. They are a constant reminder of what will never be on this earth. My heart hurts to express all the love I have to Hannah.
This is not how it was suppose to be. I was suppose to have a baby girl around Easter and bring her home with me. I was suppose to hear her cry, look into her eyes, touch her skin, see her smile, and take care of her. I am filled with a mother's love and no baby to give it to. I have no baby to raise and I can't show her the world. I can't watch as she grows into a beautiful Godly young woman.
Thank you for the people you have placed in my life before and after Hannah's passing. Continue to protect these important relationships. I pray that you will continue to help us to make repairs on these relationships as needed.
Thank you Lord for always being there even in my darkest hours.
Amen
3. Picture God has your hiding place. Read Psalm 32:8 aloud as if God were responding to you.
Psalm 32:8
"Let me give you some advice; I'm looking you in the eye and giving it to you straight:"
You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
1. How do you hide from the storm of your loss?
I focus on helping others with their loss. I focus on reading about their losses, praying for them, creating a place for them, and trying to be a voice and advocate for them.
2. Identify the emotional debris, uprooted expectations, or damaged relationships from your loss in need of being repaired.
Write this in a prayer request to God.
Dear God,
My arms ache to hold Hannah. They are a constant reminder of what will never be on this earth. My heart hurts to express all the love I have to Hannah.
This is not how it was suppose to be. I was suppose to have a baby girl around Easter and bring her home with me. I was suppose to hear her cry, look into her eyes, touch her skin, see her smile, and take care of her. I am filled with a mother's love and no baby to give it to. I have no baby to raise and I can't show her the world. I can't watch as she grows into a beautiful Godly young woman.
Thank you for the people you have placed in my life before and after Hannah's passing. Continue to protect these important relationships. I pray that you will continue to help us to make repairs on these relationships as needed.
Thank you Lord for always being there even in my darkest hours.
Amen
3. Picture God has your hiding place. Read Psalm 32:8 aloud as if God were responding to you.
Psalm 32:8
"Let me give you some advice; I'm looking you in the eye and giving it to you straight:"
Hide-And-Seek - Day 1
Genesis 3:8-9
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?"
1. How have you been hiding the pain of your loss?
Some days I don't want to experience the intense pain. It's too much. So I "watch" myself. I pretend I'm not that woman whose baby died. I'm just helping that woman, because nothing like that could really ever happen to me.
2. How have you felt disconnected? Physically? Emotionally? Socially? Spiritually?
Many days I just don't know what to say to God in my prayers. Other days I can't get my words out.
3. Imagine someone calling out, "Where are you in your grief?" How would you respond today? How would you respond a year from now?
I'm fresh in my grief. I can't even begin to describe how much it hurts. It's so real but other moments feel so surreal.
I'm not sure how I would respond a year from now. To be honest I can't imagine much changing. But I am trying to heal and adjust to this "new normal."
4. Are you ready now to take a few steps forward in grieving your child?
Yes... No... I don't know... I'm terrified that means Hannah will be forgotten.
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?"
1. How have you been hiding the pain of your loss?
Some days I don't want to experience the intense pain. It's too much. So I "watch" myself. I pretend I'm not that woman whose baby died. I'm just helping that woman, because nothing like that could really ever happen to me.
2. How have you felt disconnected? Physically? Emotionally? Socially? Spiritually?
Many days I just don't know what to say to God in my prayers. Other days I can't get my words out.
3. Imagine someone calling out, "Where are you in your grief?" How would you respond today? How would you respond a year from now?
I'm fresh in my grief. I can't even begin to describe how much it hurts. It's so real but other moments feel so surreal.
I'm not sure how I would respond a year from now. To be honest I can't imagine much changing. But I am trying to heal and adjust to this "new normal."
4. Are you ready now to take a few steps forward in grieving your child?
Yes... No... I don't know... I'm terrified that means Hannah will be forgotten.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Baby Loss Healing Through Lent?
I am not catholic, but I am a devout non-denominational Christian. My faith is very important to me. It is one of the few things I'm 100% confident in. I love the idea of Lent. I have observed it for the past 6 years. I have given up things like bleached flour, soda, etc. To be honest I forgot Lent starts tomorrow. Since losing Hannah my initial thought about Lent was that I already gave up my daughter why should I give up anything else this year. So, I seriously considered just skipping Lent this year. I'm not angry at God but I gave up enough.
I knew deep down that this was the wrong attitude to have. Lent is about fasting, sacrifice, facing temptation, repentance, almsgiving, and prayer. It is a time to reflect on Jesus, His life, sacrifice, suffering, death, burial, and resurrection. It is a time to build a closer relationship with Him. That fact that Hannah died doesn't change the meaning of Lent. How could I think that I already gave up enough when God sent His only Son, Jesus, as sacrifice to die for all of us.
I realized that Lent can truly help me heal and learn to live with the loss of Hannah. I know only positive spiritual growth can come from this. Deciding what I am going to do for Lent has been a bit more challenging, because I really want this to have significant meaning. I also want to make sure I focus on all three parts of Lent: fasting, prayer, and almsgiving. I researched various ideas on the internet. I combined ideas I found online and my own ideas. Below you can see what I decided on. And so I continue of this journey of baby loss, grief, mourning, and healing.
Fasting - Stop comparing myself to other women with kids and/or who are pregnant.
Prayer - Start every morning with a quiet time focusing on God and read a baby loss devotional.
Almsgiving - Focus on registering as a nonprofit to begin helping many mommies with recovery boxes.
P.S.
I decided to share my journey through Lent. I will post daily updates on my struggles, successes, emotions, and thoughts. I will also post my daily devotionals, follow along with me - Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg.
I knew deep down that this was the wrong attitude to have. Lent is about fasting, sacrifice, facing temptation, repentance, almsgiving, and prayer. It is a time to reflect on Jesus, His life, sacrifice, suffering, death, burial, and resurrection. It is a time to build a closer relationship with Him. That fact that Hannah died doesn't change the meaning of Lent. How could I think that I already gave up enough when God sent His only Son, Jesus, as sacrifice to die for all of us.
I realized that Lent can truly help me heal and learn to live with the loss of Hannah. I know only positive spiritual growth can come from this. Deciding what I am going to do for Lent has been a bit more challenging, because I really want this to have significant meaning. I also want to make sure I focus on all three parts of Lent: fasting, prayer, and almsgiving. I researched various ideas on the internet. I combined ideas I found online and my own ideas. Below you can see what I decided on. And so I continue of this journey of baby loss, grief, mourning, and healing.
Fasting - Stop comparing myself to other women with kids and/or who are pregnant.
Prayer - Start every morning with a quiet time focusing on God and read a baby loss devotional.
Almsgiving - Focus on registering as a nonprofit to begin helping many mommies with recovery boxes.
P.S.
I decided to share my journey through Lent. I will post daily updates on my struggles, successes, emotions, and thoughts. I will also post my daily devotionals, follow along with me - Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg.
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