Sharing Your Story - Day 33

1 Peter 3:15

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.



1. Start with a prayer! Ask for God's wisdom and discernment in what to share.

Dear Lord,

Help through this journey. Help me point all glory back to You. Guide me on what to share and how to share it. There is so much left about my story to be told. I do need wisdom and discernment throughout this journey and as I share my story.

Amen



2. Identify one personal experience in your journey through grief where God has worked through your life.




3. Briefly share what happened. Were you hiding, suffering, questioning, forgiving, relating, seeking?

Hannah was given a fatal diagnosis at her 20 week ultrasound. I was told she wasn't the best and was "incompatible with life" and that I should terminate. I was then told by my high risk Doctor that I should terminate, but only because of my risk of mirror syndrome. I refused to terminate. This was my baby. She deserved a chance to live. Her life was worth so much. We prayed for a miracle, but trusted God in whatever he decided. Hannah passed away in utero on December 23rd, 2013 in her 24th week. She was born via emergency C-section on December 23rd, 2013. We had the funeral and buried our Baby Girl on January 9th, 2014. In the beginning of March it was confirmed that Hannah had a extreme form of Turner Syndrome and that is what claimed her life.



4. What emotions did you experience? Did you feel angry, confused, sad, guilty, lonely, depressed, hopeless?

I was not angry at God. I felt angry, confused, sad, guilty, lonely, depressed, and hopeless during this experience. The feelings come and go. Some feelings are becoming less frequent like anger, loneliness, and confusion.



5. What spiritual lesson did you learn from it? If you were holding a grudge against your doctor, did God show the importance of forgiveness?

I was holding a grudge against my high rick doctor and it didn't happen right away, but God helped me forgive.

Also, a baby lost is a baby lost. Their tiny heartbeats stopped. If we don't claim our babies as ours then who in this world will?



6. What scripture verse applies?

Psalm 139:13-16

Colossians 3:13



7. How can your story inspire others? Revisit your gallery of praise. Is there a painting hanging on the wall that could lead someone to praise God? Picture how God might use you. Here is one example of picturing the end result: "I want to help those who have lost a child understand the need to forgive others who have hurt them and the benefits of forgiving so that they will identify at least one person this week and practice forgiveness."

I think so... I hope so.

There will be dark moments in this journey and that is okay! It's ok to feel angry, depressed, hopeless, sad, confused, lonely, and guilty. You are only human and it is important to allow yourself to feel these emotions not matter how painful they are. Just don't allow yourself to dwell on them and become stuck. If you can not move past or through an emotion(s) then do not be ashamed to seek help and guidance from a pastor, counselor, etc.

I want to help those on this journey of baby loss and bring awareness to others that baby loss is real.