It's heartbreaking to touch my belly only to remember that I'm not pregnant anymore. That Hannah is no longer with us on this earth. It's has happened multiple times and it's equally heartbreaking every single time. She should still be there growing inside me and preparing to be born into this world. She should still be able to hear my voice and my laughter. I miss being pregnant with her. Every so often I still feel her move like everything is ok. I wish those phantom movements were real. Instead, it's all an extra reminder of what should have been. It breaks my husband's heart when I tell him.
No one told me I would forget for a split second that I wasn't pregnant anymore. No one told me that I would still "feel her move."
But for those split seconds of forgetting and phantom movements, I feel the joy I had when her heart was still beating inside.
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